Running

Some people already know this (not too many, I hope), but I've recently started a habit of running in the mornings before work. I'm woefully out of shape and working on getting better at that. So I'm not running very fast or far or anything, but I am doing it every day, and I think that's a start. It's bringing me some unique joys. I listen to music when I run, which isn't necessarily something I do on its own very often. I listen to music while I run. It's much easier to focus on the music instead of distracting myself doing something else. And it makes my runs super fun! Also, early morning air is something special. Getting up at 6:30 when I don't have to is kind of a drag, but breathing morning air is something special. Watching the sun rise over the train tracks near my house is so beautiful that I almost am able to forget that I woke up at sun rise when I could still be asleep.

Anyways, I just wanted to talk about how much I'm loving the little itty bitty workout I'm up to. Hoping to add some weight lifting (again, really not very much at all--woefully out of shape) soon.

Running makes me happier. Maybe it's because it's strengthening my lungs so I actually am getting the right amount of oxygen into my body, but hey, who can say, right?

Playoff Hockey

The Pens won last night. And it's playoff season. I'm excited, and I hope we make a good run this year. That's all.

A Summary

I don't know if I learned this from this little project or not, but I am quite aware of how truly fortunate I am. It's so easy to take things for granted, but there are so many people out there who can't afford their own place, who don't have a job or an education or a car, and who have to rely on other people. I'm really fortunate to have the job I do, and to have been able to obtain a really high quality education. I now have career prospects. True, it may take me some time to make my way into a stable position with a school district. But I have the credentials I need to do so. When that door eventually, inevitably opens, I'm prepared to walk through it. Unless another, better door opens up first. I have so much freedom with the job I have now, yet I still have the earning potential I need to pay my bills. What more can I really ask for. My life situation is pretty dang good, even just from a material standpoint. That's to say nothing of the wonderful people in my life, who deserve their own post. So, yeah, I have an attitude of thankfulness--whether I can credit this little project for it or not, I'm not sure, but I feel proud to be able to see my own fortune. A lot of people can't, and they're less happy for it.

History

So I posted not that long ago about how thankful I am not to be 18 anymore. My point was that I have a lot of experience now that I didn't have back then. But I neglected to mention my thankfulness for everything I went through when I was 18. And 14. And 6. And 21. Really my long resume of crazy life experiences. 

There have been a lot of people in my life who have impacted me profoundly, and although I'm on less-than-friendly terms with many of them, I still have to say that I'm thankful for the role they played in my life. I mean, without our exes, for example, how would we learn how to have a healthy relationship? And without bad friends, how would we ever learn where to place our trust and when to be cautious?

I've been through a lot of tough crap in my life. Not enough to stand out as remarkable or anything; I think anyone thinking back on their own life could honestly say the same thing. I learned to live on my own at a much younger age than normal. I've moved away and back a couple of times and lost and regained friends. I've felt so very low and depressed, so full of self-loathing, that I didn't see the point in getting out of bed in the morning, other than out of sheer routine. But I've passed through all of that, and now I'm a much stronger person than I used to be. And if things had gone another way, I might freak out at the tremendous burdens of uncertainty that now stand before and all around me. But I've weathered enough storms to know that I'll make it through this one, too. In fact, this one's not even so bad, by comparison. Of course, a lot of those from my early life weren't nearly as bad as I thought they were at the time, either. That's another thing I'm thankful for; the perspective that life experience has given me. I have the ability to look at a problem I'm having and say, "wow, that's actually pretty trivial." I know a lot of people who lack that ability, and I'm happy for them, because that means, I suspect, that the problem they're making such a fuss over is really one of the most major problems in their life.

This post is a little unclear; it's because I have specific people and experiences in mind, but I don't feel it would be considerate of me to share names or specifics. Suffice it to say, there are some people out there now I wouldn't trust to help me move, let alone for advice or as confidants. But I am still grateful to have had them in my life, because they taught me a lot.

Sunshine!

It's 75 degrees outside. The sun is shining, there's not a cloud in the sky, and I got out of work before 4. My paperwork is done and the rest of the weekend is mine to do with as I please. I'm not going to belabor the point. Today is freaking beautiful and I'm glad just to be alive. Blue skies ^_^

TGIF

It's hard to feel motivated to blog about this stuff every day!

I guess today I'll talk about my work day yesterday and after. One thing about my job: something crazy is always happening. It sometimes can be a little disorienting, but it also keeps things from ever getting boring.

Yesterday, I saw a guy grocery shopping with a motorcycle. He had saddle bags, which he somehow fit several bags of groceries and a gallon of milk into. I didn't think it was going to work, but he somehow used superhuman powers to fenangle (sp?) it all in there.

Some guy was backing out of his space and backed right into this guy's car that was parked in the fire lane right in front of me. There was no swerve or anything, he just backed directly into it. Cracked the bumper. He got out of the car, told the guy he was sorry and hadn't been looking where he was going. Somehow, the guy basically said, "Eh, it happens. Don't worry about it."

I also had these 2 guys from Pittsburgh campaigning for a democratic candidate for governor. I tried (unsuccessfully) to sell them a newspaper. Then they tried to recruit me for the campaign trail. Maybe that's my calling--promoting political candidates. Ugh!

Then, I met this guy who looks exactly like an older version of my friend's fiancé. Seriously, I thought they might have been related.

Most of this sounds far less entertaining than it was when it was all happening in front of me. I found the day as a whole to be very amusing. It was also sunny out, and pretty warm, which made me happy. How can a person be unhappy when the sun is shining on her?

Then, after work, Chris and I went to Tastyland in Greensburg for dinner/ice cream and hung out in the open air and watched this lady play with her puppy. It was a really good time.

Now, today's Friday; let's hope it's even better than yesterday!

Cheers!

Daily life...

Whenever I have a bad day at work, it is really a challenge to feel thankful. It's cold and windy. It smells bad and there's dirt from the road flying everywhere. No one seems to want to talk to me unless they have something rude to say. It's really easy to get hung up on how tough things can be sometimes.

Then something terrible happens and my frame of reference changes significantly. The stabbings at Franklin Regional high school today really makes me reevaluate how much good I could ever actually do as a teacher. I have a job that pays well and is way less emotionally charged. And I've never been through anything nearly as traumatizing for a student, a parent, or a teacher. 

So as I sit here shivering trying to sell newspapers to people who inexplicably take a free paper while simultaneously telling me how worthless it is, I'm thank in my lucky stars to be where I am--safe, healthy, prosperous, undamaged. I wish those wounded a speedy recovery and thank goodness for the first responders and doctors involved.

Star Trek

Everyone who knows me pretty much realizes that I'm a huge dork. One manifestation of my nerdiness is my love for Star Trek. I'm rewatching it on netflix right now and remembering how great it is. TNG is my personal favorite, but really they're all good. And it gives me something in common with my dad, who loved to watch Star Trek with us growing up. Man, that show is awesome. And the reboot is pretty groovy, too.

Yep, there's nothing like curling up with my awesome cat and watching Netflix. It's the good life, at least on a Tuesday. 

Growing up

Sometimes, when I'm closing a sale, I'll check a customer's ID, and since it seems weird to ask for ID for a newspaper subscription, I ask for it with a little joke, saying "I just need to check your ID, make sure you're 18." Often, the customer chuckles, and says "I wish I was 18 again."

I don't wish I were 18. Yeah, I was skinnier. And yeah, the future seemed to hold a lot more promise. But I've learned a lot in the past 7 years. And I mean a whole lot! Relationships when you're 24 are so much more difficult than when you're 18, but so much more worth it, too. And I have a lot of experience under my belt. I'm a lot more sure of who I am than I was at that young age. I think a lot of people forget how stupid we all were at that age--at least I was for sure! But, man, did I think I was smart.

So I'm grateful to be 24. Yeah, I wish I had a little more career progress to show for it and maybe a little less student debt. But it seems like a good age. And life's been better to me than it might have been. And I'm grateful for all the crazy life experiences since I was 18, all of which made me way smarter and wiser and stronger, but many of which hurt like hell when I was going through them.

So three cheers for not being 18 anymore! Any time you look back on your teen years with rose colored glasses, just try to remember how completely stupid you were back then. It always works for me!

Good People

The Brownfield family is one of the most wonderful groups of people that I know. I am so fortunate to have such good people in my life. They take care of one another and they help others without even feeling like they've done anything special by doing it. They don't expect gratitude or any favors in return. And they're generally kind people. Knowing that they exist reassures me that there are good people left out there in this world. It's so easy to see the bad that people do and lose faith, but Danielle, Merch, and Melissa, and now Troy all remind me that not everyone is out only for themselves. Some people genuinely care about others and want to do good for its own sake.

I just spent some time with them this weekend because it helped me out with my drive to Vermont, which was basically a success. Every time I see them, I'm reminded how generally great they are and how lucky I am to know them. Seriously, if everyone in the world were like that family, the world would be a much, much better place.

Thanks, guys, for being truly wonderful. Love ya!

Good friends

Today, after work, I head up to Vermont with Chris to look at the apartment I'll be subleasing this Summer. I'm very excited to see it; I'm less excited about making the drive up there. Fortunately, I have some wonderful people easing my burden. Chris is splitting the driving with me, which is wonderful, because the last time I drove to Vermont, it was to see Erin when she went to UVM, and it was a long, long drive. So not making the whole trip, there and back, all in one day will be a huge help.

I also have a wonderful friend, Danielle, who lives in State College and is seriously one of the most wonderful people I know. Since State College is about 2 hours closer to Vermont than Greensburg, I asked her if I could stay with her Friday and Saturday night to decrease the amount of driving we have to do all in one day. As always, she graciously agreed. So not only does it shorten my drive on Saturday, but it comes with the added bonus of seeing her and her wonderful family. I am so, so thankful to have her!

Wish me luck; work today, driving the rest of the weekend. Should be quite the blast.

P.S.--today is my mom's birthday <3

British Comedy and Frozen Yogurt

So yesterday I didn't post because I went strait from work to my boyfriend's house. He's quite lovely, and offered me leftover penne pasta and fruit salad that his very sweet mother made earlier. Then, we watched An Idiot Abroad, a very very funny show written/directed by Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant.

Then, today I got to hang out with him after work. There's a new frozen yogurt place in my home town, and it happened to be right by the store where I worked today, and also near where he works, so he came by after work and we had a delicious afternoon desert treat. And anyone who knows me knows how much I love me some frozen yogurt. Delicious.

Another good day (well, 2 days, actually) in the life of Hannah.

Cheers!

And look up that show. Seriously. So, so funny!

Pens game

So I got to go to the pens game today. It was a bonus from work and the second game I've been to all season. James, Ryan and Amber were there, and even though we lost--pretty horribly--it was a good time. Here's to good friends and family and living in a great sports city <3

2 A Day

So I am seriously not utilizing this blog to its full potential. This is my opportunity to be creative and really think about ways to use technology to make me (and, hopefully, others) happier, more fulfilled people. I feel like, as a general rule, it tends to do the opposite. Social media has us constantly preforming, trying to think of clever tweets or make our lives seem more impressive than they are. Smartphones with email capabilities often mean we're never out of touch with work. We're living a lot of our lives online and with technology, and I just think it's a good idea that we learn to use it in positive ways, and that we don't develop dependence.

Of course I know there are some things that we necessarily depend on technology to do for us, like run credit cards, provide instantaneous access to information, etc. But going a day without it shouldn't make us crazy or anxious. We should be able to unplug and enjoy life from time to time. And we should generally know how to spell and find reliable sources for our information, too. That's why I gave up Facebook for the month--to unplug from social media and use technology to celebrate things that fulfill me and make me happy. But I'm not sure if I'm doing that, or if anyone can really show me how to.

I do know one thing--it's harder to be in touch with people without it. I've probably missed some birthdays. There are some friends who are hard to get ahold of, and Facebook provided a place for that. I miss them, but it makes me realize how messed up our lives can get. Are we really so busy (my peer group) that we can't make time to send a chain of texts? That the only contact we can really have with each other comes from one line messages on our Facebook walls? There's something wrong there.

I don't know the solution to this. I don't know if there is one. But I hope I'm coming close to it, or accomplishing something with this little project. At the end of it, I'm curious if my usage of social media will change at all. I'm not sure, but it sure is something to consider.

Relief

So I have to take a breath and confess to being thankful that March is OVER. I survived the crazy month, which included the first 7-day work week I've had since 2011. And I met my goal of 500 sales. Hopefully, no one will beat it and things will go well and I'll be in Hawaii next year. If not, I made a lot of money and maybe proved something.

So today is my first day off since last Sunday. I will be doing laundry and some much needed housework. Then, this weekend, I head for Vermont to sign a lease for my apartment. It's all very exciting, of course. In any case, it's good to have something to look forward to more than work.

Planning to write more later today, now that I have the chance to catch my breath a little.

Music

March goes out like a lamb, right?

So as I near the end of March, I realize I've been doing a pretty lousy job of keeping up with this blog. It's tough right now with all the hours I've been working, and on my days off, all I want to do is spend time with my boyfriend and sleep. But I have tons to be thankful for and I should be focusing on that.

Next weekend, I'm going to Vermont to look at the apartment where I will probably be spending the Summer months. It was quite fortunate that I found one, fairly quickly, and in my price range. And so it's a little bit far from my school itself? It will give me a chance to enjoy a beautiful drive in New England, and it's no worse than my drive to McDonald, Pa today.

Yes, life is good, though at times it isn't perfectly clear or easy to see that. I've been doing well and feeling grateful, even though I haven't been blogging. Tired, but grateful. I'm looking forward to seeing my wonderful friend Danielle this weekend, too, since she has graciously allowed me to spend the night at her house on the way to and from Vermont. And Chris is coming along to take turns driving with me.

And work has been good this week. I have 450 on the month going into today, so if I do what I need to do the rest of the week, I will be well over 500 for the month. And, so far, I've kind of been having fun.

Wish me luck. I have to go get ready for work and write some deals!

Gah! I can't believe March is almost over and I've missed so many days on here! I am terrible at keeping resolutions. Although I did quit smoking, which is a good thing. Hopefully I'll get myself back on track ^_^

Make-up day

So here I am, missing a day of blogging again already. It's hard to get on here every day!

But I had an awesome day yesterday, which kept me from getting to this.

So today I'm thankful that my boyfriend is patient with me. I am easily frightened of the possibilities of the future, and it's hard for me to curb that. He bears with me. And carries my 40 lb bags of cat litter up to my apartment for me.

I'm also thankful that I have hot water. Took a cold shower the other day because my hot water ran out, and it reminded me of the old days, when I didn't have hot water for more than about 5 minutes. Man, is it a nice change. And tons of water pressure, too.

And now that the weather's changing, I'm thankful for the chance to take long drives. I love driving through the mountains with Chris, finding places to stop. I'm hoping there will be a lot of that this Spring and Summer before I go to Vermont.

Okay, all. This is my last week for March sales, and I need to net 113 for 500. Working 7 days this week, so I think I can make it happen, but it's gonna be another loooong week.

Kay, wish me luck!

Wine

I love me some Chianti

Zarathustra

So keeping this blog has been really helpful; it's helped me to realize how much people in my life really do for me, and how much I take them for granted sometimes.

My car was up for inspection this month, and I happened to work with my brother, so I got to car pool with him. He met me at the garage where I dropped off my car, then I rode to my store with him, then his wife made me dinner, and then they dropped me off at my car and I drove home. His wife even payed, and then I paid her back. It was so easy! If it weren't for them, it would have been a huge hassle and probably required me to take a day off of work, and who wants to use their day off to do errands? Not me, that's for sure! And now my car is inspected and legal for another year.

Also, my mechanic is awesome. He charges reasonable prices and is always very informative and helpful. His name is Jon at Rocky Mountain Garage, and he is seriously the best. I know how hard good mechanics are to find, and he's one I feel like I can trust. Anyone in the Westmoreland county area, look them up next time you need work done on your car.

Can't stress enough how lucky I am to have a great family and a good mechanic, among the zillion other things I have to be thankful for.

Happy Friday, all!

PS- my car's name is Zarathustra, if the title of this entry confused you ^_^

Loki

My blog posts have been getting shorter, I know. It's because I've been tired and busy, which is a lame excuse, but I'm using it nonetheless.

Still, live is pretty good, despite my exhaustion and busyness.

Today, I want to mention my wonderful, somewhat evil cat, Loki. Loki is a very large cat. He weighs 16 pounds. He cries in the mornings and wakes me up. He needs a lot of attention and will demand it. He begs for food and plays fetch with hair ties.

I got Loki when I was living in Penn State, and he has helped me to remain sane ever since. Living by yourself can be lonely and depressing, but my cat is always there to comfort or antagonize me as he sees fit. He relies on me for his social life and his sustenance, and so there's at least one furry person out there who would be in serious trouble if I kicked the bucket.

He gets on my nerves sometimes, don't get me wrong, but he is my bestie and I'm lucky to have him.

Yay!

Now, for another long day at work. Wish me luck, all <3

Spring!

Tomorrow is March 20th, which means Spring is upon us! Spring equinox means the long days of Spring and Summer are ahead, and the weather will be warm, and the sun will shine, and there will be picnics and hiking and all kinds of fun stuff!!! So I'm super happy about that.

It also means that I'm getting closer and closer to the end of my crazy, crazy month of March. So far, I've sold 340 newspaper subscriptions this month. Only 160 to go to meet my goal! Yay! These numbers are meaningless to most people, but suffice it to say that they're big numbers. So, yeah, I've been working a heck of a lot lately. And the end is in sight! April and May will be lovely months of normal amounts of work, and preparations for my Summer program in Vermont.

I am so, so glad to see Winter come to an end. It is such a tedious season, and I am so glad to see it go, I can't tell ya. Spring is here! Yes!!!

That's all.

Enjoy the weather! Snow's in the forecast for Sunday, everyone, so let's just get through this and know that we're almost in the clear!

Can you feel the love?

So today I wanna say thanks for all the great people in my life. However, I don't think I have time to get to everyone before work today, so I'll start with the primary ones and work my way through as many awesome people as possible.

1. Chris is so truly wonderful. I probably say this too much and no one likes to hear about how happy other people's relationships are, but he is like the best person I've ever met. If you're reading this and you know Chris, give him a pat on the back, because he's super great. He does upset me every once in a while, but 80% of the time it's due to just being oblivious--in other words, not realizing he's doing something that would bother me, like planning an event on every day off I have in the month of March, for instance. And the other 20% it's usually just him having no regard for his own well-being. But that's not the point of this. The point is, when he does realize he's upset me, he is always genuinely sorry and does whatever he can to make it up to me. And that means a lot. He is a sincere person who actually gives a crap--a rare find, in my experience. I'm really lucky to have him.

2. James and Amber. Without them, I would have some beat job, probably some terrible apartment that I had to find at the very last minute, probably no car (thus, some beat job), and no laundry facilities. They've bailed me out more than a few times, and usually will help me out when I need it with very little complaint or opposition. And they have puppies. There's that, too.

3. Joshie. My baby brother is so sweet. He is working really hard--by his standards AND most people's standards! He's up in Erie, working on a pretty tough degree, trying to pay his bills, being dirt broke, and seems like he's missing home a little. Really trying to help him out the way James and I helped each other out when we were in school. Josh got lucky. Both James and me are in better positions to help him out then we were back in the day, so I still worry about him, but it's nice that he has something to back him up. He's learning how to be an adult and pay bills and go without when need be--stuff we all have to learn the hard way. Anyways, I'm proud of him and wish him well.

There's more, but I really have to go to work now.

Thanks, everyone in my life who is wonderful!

Oh, and something shameful to be thankful for--I reached the gold level in Starbucks's rewards program. So I'm getting a gold card w/ my name on it. Fancy.

Anyways, find things to be thankful for today. And wish me luck--trying to get 20 sales today!!!

Busy, busy, busy

I have so much to be thankful for, but I'm so tired since it's been such a long day!

1. Saturday and Sunday, I had an awesome time with my boyfriend and his friend out in a cabin far from anyone I know. It was great and I was hardly sick by Saturday evening and all better Sunday, so I fully enjoyed myself.

2. Work is good. I got 15 sales today. Which is baller.

3. I think I have a place to live in Vermont for the Summer. 3 apartments to check out soon. yay!

4. My boyfriend is super duper incredibly wonderfully awesome. He is like the greatest guy ever and way too good for me and I am seriously so lucky to have him around. How he deals with me I can't say, but I'm sure glad he does.

Okay, more to come, including real entries. But I didn't want to miss 2 days in a row so I just wanted to get all this down. *phew*

Difficulty

This is very challenging.

It is really hard to talk about the things in your life that you're thankful for when you're fighting a cold, working 6 days a week, and life seems more like a pain than something to be thankful about.

And I know I shouldn't feel that way. That's the whole point of this project is to keep from feeling that way. It's meant to help me focus on the good things and not to focus on the things that aren't so good, like trying to pay taxes and for school.

So I'm going to just write something quickly today because I've gotta get out there and work. It's been a long week, I've been fighting this stupid cold that won't quite go away, and it's been hard to write, but here I am today, trying to come up with things to say.

I'm actually very thankful, sincerely, that tomorrow is my day off. I haven't had an honest day off in some time, and it will be very good not to have to work. Hopefully, I'll be feeling well and able to enjoy it. But I think even if I'm not fully recovered, some rest and good company will do me some good. And it means that this week is over! Thank goodness! I've had my fill of this week and I'm ready to move on to the next one!

So, here's to a nice trip up to Chris's friend's cabin, a relaxing day off tomorrow, and a good week next week!

Also, someone should tell Caesar to watch out; today's the ides of March.

On the Mend

So I woke up this morning feeling a whole lot better than yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I still don't feel great, but the extreme sinus pressure is gone and my temperature is normal. I have an appetite, too. I don't wanna jinx myself and say I'm all better, but I feel pretty close.

I am so thankful for my wonderful boyfriend, who came over when I was feeling really terrible, helped me run the errands I had to, and sat with me while I ate the broth from my vegetable soup. He is seriously super, and I am so lucky to have him. Also, asprin. And tea. And plenty of clean drinking water. And tissues. All of these things made my miserable day bearable and helped me to heal.

So I feel fortunate to live in a place where fever reducers, pain relievers, and antibiotics are readily available. I know sometimes these can be too available, and people can get carried away. But when I feel sick, and I know I have the option to take a pain reliever, that has to count as a good thing. Now, I'm going to sip some tea and get ready for a hopefully wonderful day of work.

Seriously, greatest boyfriend in the world. Really, I was grumpy as could be and he was there for me. Just wanted to re-emphasize that.

Sickness :(

Today, I am not feeling well. I'm not seriously sick. Just a bad cold with sinus headache, sore throat, the whole bit.

So I really don't feel like being happy and positive and thankful.

But Chris is here, and I'm glad for that. And I don't have to be afraid to call off of work or leave early when I'm ill, for fear of losing my job or something. And I know I will get better, even if it is something more severe, because I have access to health care infrastructure. Etc.

So I feel yucky, but I'm glad to have my life, nonetheless.

Really hoping to feel better tomorrow--that would indeed be something to be thankful for ^_^

Small Businesses ftw

So today I worked in this little unremarkable small town in Beaver County, Pa, called Rochester. There's a Kmart there that our newspaper kiosk team works about every 3 or 4 months. It's just a normal Kmart, not a special store or anything, and it's really, really far from where I live. Every time I see it on the schedule and have the option to pick it, I think, do I really want to drive an hour and a half to work if I don't have to? And I usually pick the store anyways. Why do I do this to myself? Because it's right across the street from a really good sandwich shop that I am sort of in love with. It's called My Hero's Sub Shop, and the sandwiches are great, he has Coke products in cans to drink, the guy who runs/owns it is super cool, and it has an awesome vibe. It's the same reason I like to work the Walgreens in Pleasant Hills, Pa. Just an ordinary Walgreens, a little busier than most, but it's right next to a Coffee Tree Cafe like the one I lived near in Squirrel Hill, and it makes me feel very Pittsburgh.

I understand. I go to Starbucks all the time. And some times, when I'm visiting a city, surrounded by exciting new places to eat, I'll go into Dunkin Donuts because it's the safe bet. I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in Hawaii. I get it. It's less risky. But becomes a habit. But trying new local places is so great! And you always remember them in ways you're not going to remember chain restaurants.

For example, the Brownsville Drive-In reminds me of my teen years. I'm positive I saw a gazillion movies as a teen, but the ones that are the most memorable experiences are the ones that I saw there, under the stars, with friends. It's different than a Carmikes or an AMC. You go for something more than just a movie.

Same with Phil's Corner Store in Uniontown. Yes, it's a little gross in there. But that's part of the magic. You don't go for the ritzy atmosphere. You go mostly because the hoagies are freaking amazing, and partly because you can't believe the place is real. Just don't go on the first of the month. Seriously, you better have an hour to waste. But it's so good!!! And I used to eat there all the time in high school--get the sandwich there, then eat it on the bench in front of the library or in Marshall Park across the street.

Now, I have a new home in Greensburg. I still enjoy my Fayette County spots when I'm in town, just like I love Brother's Pizza and Waffle Shop breakfast when I'm in State College. But Around home, I'm still getting acclimated and finding new gems. Baldy's Pizza, in Downtown Greensburg is a really good one. Also, I just love going for drinks at the Headkeeper, with their vast selection of beers. Still on the look out for good locally owned coffee, deli, and other good stuff. Anyone know of any, let me know.

But I've gotta be thankful for all of these things, all of these small businesses with so much more flavor than the big chains. If there are local businesses around you, make the most of them! So many places have fallen under the heel of Wal-Mart and chain restaurants, grocers, etc. Enjoy them, and help keep them in business. Chances are, they're struggling. You'll make great memories, and you can feel good about the stuff you buy instead of just indifferent, or worse, guilty.

Another Manic Monday

So my title creativity is obviously not my strong suit.

Today's is going to be short, too, so I can be on my merry way to another awesome, long work day. But, hey, what can ya do?

So today I wanna express my gratitude to no one in particular for sleep and dreams. When I was younger, I had a very, very hard time sleeping. I had a lot of stress in my life and tried to pack in way, way too many activities for one human being. I probably averaged about four hours of sleep a night, and I was absolutely always tired. I tried to compensate with caffeine, and anyone who has ever battled insomnia knows just what a losing battle that is. Now, though, I sleep easily and well. I suppose I'm still a bit of a light sleeper, but nothing outside of the ordinary. And I love sleep! I love how I feel when I wake up after a full night of sleep. Most people go about their lives, sleeping normally, and have no idea how wonderful they feel. Their baseline is much higher. I love feeling well-rested on an almost perfectly regular basis!

And the next point: dreams. I dream probably 5 nights out of 7. I should say I remember my dreams that often. I know a lot of people who don't remember their dreams, ever--which I think is probably partly due to not getting into a deep enough sleep, but that's pure speculation, I don't actually know. I have some crazy dreams. Usually, they're relatively grounded in real life--like when I dream about my job, or people from my past. Sometimes, though, there are murderers or zombies. Other times, there are children. In any case, a dream is always a little adventure. I'm really happy that I dream, and sometimes stay in bed longer than necessary to try and fall back asleep and finish a dream!

So, next time you wake up feeling tired on a Monday (especially the Monday after daylight savings time!), try and think back to the last all-nighter you pulled, whether you were working on a project in college or up all night with a sick baby. That, my friends, is what it means to be truly tired. Stretch, yawn, and be on your way!

Happy Monday!

Sunday Funday

So I missed a day yesterday (I know, right? Already?), but it was for a legitimate reason. I'm currently exactly in the middle of an 11-day stretch of work w/ no days off (today was day 5), so I was super tired yesterday morning. I decided to let myself sleep an extra half-hour, and boy, am I glad I did! I felt so much more awake yesterday at work, and it was a tough day, so I'm glad I had the extra sleep to support me in the face of relentless meanness.  Then, I spent the whole evening with Chris, and I didn't want to take time away from him to blog, so those are my excuses. But, to make up for it, instead of one thing today, I'm going to give a brief list:

1. Car rides with the one you love. That's part of how Chris and I spent the evening--just driving around for a while, talking. It's hard to find situations where it's appropriate not to really be doing anything and where you can just talk to one another, and long car rides are just such situations. So we had a nice couple hours driving around in the warmish weather. It was really lovely <3

2. Daylight savings time! I know, I know, it's an illogical, pointless exercise, but every spring, when we set our clocks forward, I roll my eyes, groan about losing an hour of sleep, then celebrate at 6:30pm the next day when the sun is just starting to set. It makes me feel more awake in the evenings and gives me better light to enjoy the scenery. Plus, it gets me ready for springtime!

3. Sunday morning radio. Ever listen to the radio between 7am-9am on a Sunday morning? It's amazing! So much music, and way less commercials than normal! 105.9 has prehistoric x, where they feature bands that pre-date the radio station, and they're always good for some B52's, the Police, Joan Jett and the Runaways, Blondie, the Ramones, etc. Lovely stuff. And 101.9 plays acoustic sunrise, where I heard an unplugged version of this gem for the first time this morning! You might know the recently popularized version by Mackelmore that featured the chorus. Really, really lovely. I always hear great stuff on Sunday mornings, and it makes me sad that so few people probably have any reason to be awake and listening. So, people, get up early and turn on the radio on your day off <3

Anyways, I'll leave it at that. Good day today. Hoping for another good week. Maybe 120 will come easy this week. hahahahahah

Family

I just have time for a quick one today; might write more later. But I wanna say that I'm thankful I grew up with three brothers. There were some kind of tough times when we were kids, especially since my dad worked a lot, but the siblings always stuck together and had each others' back, and that made things a whole lot more possible.

Growing up with three brothers definitely made me tough. Crying and whining wasn't really tolerated well, and didn't really help you get anywhere with the parents, anyways. I took my share of tumbles, had to get stitches, watched our back yard shed burn down in the middle of the night, got in fist fights with my little brother, and didn't get out of any of it for being a girl--except maybe working on the cars. Heck, I even had grass to cut.

But that aside, my brothers continue to be there for me. James helped me get my first job, and the one I have now. He let me crash in his guest room when I didn't have really any place to go after my ex and I broke up. He taught me to drive, helped me find a reliable car. Josh is growing up into a pretty alright kid himself. Being the youngest, he was always just a teensy bit more spoiled than the rest of us (not that my parents had the resources to spoil any of us, really). Me and James would pitch in and get him cool Christmas presents like X-boxes that he wouldn't really take all that great care of. Nowadays, though, he's learning what it is to work hard and scrape by. And he's got integrity. We've always kind of used each other as banks, lending and borrowing from one another as we had/needed. He makes it a high priority to pay his debts back, which is admirable. Then, there's Joel. The oldest. He's been through the ringer, too. Joined the military, had a seizure, got discharged, came home, got kicked out (because the house we were staying in didn't really fit five of us, let alone all six), yet he has no hard feelings. Always has an uncomfortably tight hug for his sister. And kind words more than anyone would ever need.

That's all for today, because I better be scampering off to work (with my newest adopted brother, Adam, James's wife's brother). But yeah, growing up with a gagillion siblings toughened me up for sure. And I'm thankful for the role they've played in my life. Even if each of them can be super, super freaking annoying--each in his own way.

Forcing it today...

So I don't really feel like talking about all the great things in my life today; I'm kind of down in the dumps. But, that's all the more reason why I should do so, so here goes.

Let's go with people who are nice to solicitors. Okay, I'm in sales. I know solicitors can be really annoying, but we're just doing our jobs, people, and when you're mean to us, you actually are being mean to a real, live person. So, here's a quick guide of do's and don't's:

1. Don't tell us how bad or how hard our job is. That's not really something you can determine in a 2-minute interaction with us, now is it? I mean, yes, I do have to deal with rude people all day, but not nearly for the length of time that the woman behind the customer service desk who has to explain that they can't return your used blender, and especially not without a receipt. The point is, I make a pretty good living doing this job, I'm going to continue to do it for some time, and your (well-intended, I'm sure, usually) input about how bad you think it is really doesn't help me in any way.

2. Don't talk about how terrible my product is. You are welcome to your opinion that the newspaper I represent is too conservative, or that print media is obsolete, or that newspapers haven't been worth subscribing to since "they got rid of the kids delivering them," but do you really need to share your opinion with me? I can't call up the owner and say, "Hey, some guy at Shop and Save said [insert universal truth customers graciously give out, conservative/obsolete/a crime against small children with bicycles]. Can we do something about that?" In fact, I can't even really argue with you in a store. I have to just smile and hope you walk away quickly.

3. Don't accuse us of being scammers. If you are suspicious of a solicitor in a grocery store, don't talk to him or her. Ask the people who work at the store, if you're really worried. If it is a scam, telling the scammer so is probably not going to do any good. And if, like 90% of the time is probably true, it's a legitimate person trying to make a living, you're just going to be super offensive and make her or him feel really crummy.

4. This is another one that is usually well-intended. Don't waste our time. We get paid on commission, and believe it or not, if we work in a commission-only job, we probably go to work to get paid, not to chit-chat. So please don't listen to our sales pitch out of pity. Don't tell us, "That was a good job," or "You almost convinced me," or, "You're a good salesman." All of these things will only frustrate me, because they mean that despite my best efforts, I'm not getting paid for talking to you. Which is fine, if you actually had some interest to begin with, and my best efforts failed to sway you. But when you know from the beginning you have absolutely no intention of signing up or paying, and you still let me go through my whole pitch, only to tell me how well I've done, it is the world's most frustrating thing ever. You think you're helping and being nice, but actually, you're making things much worse. If you see me in a store, and you have no interest, just don't take the free paper. A simple "no, thanks" will do just fine.

5. Also, please don't ignore me. It is actually difficult to tell when people are ignoring me and when they just can't hear me. So, if you ignore me, I will continue to call out to you to take a free paper. If you don't want it, just give me a simple acknowledgement, like, "no thanks." Then, I will stop bothering you. I will know that you heard me and I will move on. At worst, I might crack a stupid joke like, "How 'bout from this hand," which is only meant to keep my spirits up and the day going. 

Further, "No, thank you" is all the information I really need about why you're not taking the newspaper. I don't really need or want to know about how you had the same carrier for 70 years, and then some kid took over and it's been down hill since then. Or that you think my paper is a relic of the Nazi party. This all goes back to insulting my product. Unnecessary. Actually, telling me that you get it and how much you love it is also unnecessary. I will smile and be polite, but I will be looking at the people behind you who I haven't had the chance to offer a paper to, hoping I can get them to sign up. If the store is very slow, then, yeah, I don't mind a quick chat, but if I have prospective customers, I ought to be focusing on them. That being said, #5 is probably the least irritating of these items.

So, just be polite, don't take up a disproportionately large amount of our time, and be on your merry way. 

That being said, there are people out there who are really nice. And, "you have a tough job," "you're a good salesman," and "that was a good pitch," all sound a lot better when you're actually signing up. So feel free to take up my time, chat, ask questions about the paper, etc. if you're signing up, or considering signing up. When someone tells me, "Boy, you're good at this," while they're signing up for the year of the paper, it makes me smile. 

Some people, too, go above and beyond the call of nice-ness, bringing us hot chocolate when we're outside of a Wal-Mart on a cold day, for example. These people make my day. It's amazing how much a person's tiny act of kindness can change the course of my day. Really. So, just be nice to us. Telemarketers, too; I imagine the same rules apply to them. It makes us happy when you're nice, and when you're rude, it is like slow torture throughout the day. And, if you've ever signed up for something with someone who gets paid on commission, pat yourself on the back. You should feel as good as someone who leaves good tips at restaurants. We appreciate it, and I genuinely hope you got exactly what you ordered and the transaction was a pleasant one. 

Thanks, nice people of the world! Everyone else, get it together! ^_^

Mornings

So I, like most people I know, would not really call myself a morning person. But, unlike most people I know, I kind of hate that about myself. The people I know who are morning people (all 2 of them I can think of off of the top of my head) are super impressive. Mornings are a great time to work out, read or write, contemplate the universe, watch the sun rise, etc. Morning people take advantage of the alone time they get before 7 or 8 AM, when the rest of us slothful humans can finally bring ourselves to drag our wretched bodies out of bed. They get up and go to the gym, or they go for runs before their kids get up, or they do work around the house so they don't have to do more when they get home from work. It's genius, it really is.

So, I've been working on getting up earlier. I still haven't mastered it quite yet, but I am saving a fortune on Starbucks coffee and breakfasts, even if I do just have yogurt, a bagel, or a bowl of cereal. What I do now is I get up at least an hour before I have to leave the house. I wake up, make some coffee, usually grab a bite to eat, watch The Daily Show from the night before, check my bank account and various bill payments to see what's been done. Basically, it's a relaxing but productive time for me.

So I want to say that I'm thankful for mornings. Since I've started getting up earlier, I've noticed that my days are better. In fact, on days when I sleep in, I'm usually hurried, tired, and irritated. Eating and having that coffee first thing after getting out of bed is a magical thing. Food tastes better, because I'm actually taking a little bit of time to enjoy it, and my stomach is completely empty after sleeping all night.

Of course, it's a trade-off. It makes staying up late much more difficult. But I find the hours after 10 or 11 PM much less appealing than those before 8AM. At night, I'm usually tired anyways, the sky is dark, and I just watch TV or lay in bed and read. Mornings, like I mentioned, tend to be more productive. So, this probably makes me sound a little older, but I'm over it. I'm working on becoming a true morning person, which I think requires that I first make some better health choices, especially where exercise is concerned. But, yeah. I dream of the day when I can get up at 5 without snoozing my alarm 12 times, and make the most out of my day.

Blogging in the AM might be a good first step. Hmm... Something to consider.

Beauty

So one thing about social media, be it facebook, twitter, instagram, or what have you, is that it relies tremendously on what we can see. On the topic of facebook and its ability to compel users to compare themselves with their fb friends, this means that I'm left looking at pictures of myself next to pictures of other people. Comparisons and judgements often ensue.

I'm not alone in this, I know for sure. I've heard people tell me that they hate when others post facebook pictures of them without their prior knowledge, they get upset. What they mean is that they want a preview of the picture before it goes up for the world to see, to make sure they look acceptably pretty. Because they know they have competition.

I have facebook friends who model. Others have their wedding pictures on facebook, and they look so beautiful. How can I compare myself, with my wrinkled-face smile, to these pictures taken by professionals of ladies looking their best? Of course, the comparison is ridiculous. But it's easy to fall prey to the obsession. Why don't I have boobs like her? Or why can I never get my hair to look like that? Or why doesn't she have a gut like mine? I've seen how she eats?

I'm fortunate, in that I've grown out of the severe body-image issues I went through as a teenager, when I analyzed every flaw I could find on my body, magnified it in my mind and assumed that those flaws defined me, that everyone saw them when they looked at me. I probably overcame all that--up to a point that I consider healthy, at least--in part thanks to feminism and college, as well as my dating history, which hasn't left me a lot of time as a single woman to think about why I'm not pretty enough to date.

But looking at pictures of myself isn't the problem I have. I love to look at my pictures, actually, because in most of them I'm happy, and visible happiness is beautiful to me. It cheers me up when I'm feeling that my life is amounting to nothing. I look at pictures of myself with friends, or in Hawaii, or at Penn State, and I remember that life is about the journeys we take as much as the destinations, and that my journey often leaves me smiling.

No, the evil inside of me that facebook pictures bring out is far worse than the self-loathing that comes with comparing one's self to others, like what Lupita Nyong'o describes here or katie makkai describes here; it's more like this evil, that comes from some dark place inside of me that only surfaces once in a great while, and mostly on facebook. It's shameful to admit, but I look at people I don't like, or who I envy, and I hope for the day to come when they post a picture and I can look at it and say, "Well, she got fat!" or, "wow, the guy she's with now is ugly! must be the best she can do."

I don't know where it comes from. It's like my way of getting revenge on these other girls I know who have wronged me in some way, whether they know it or not, whether it was personal or not. I look at their profiles, and I say to myself, "damn it. she looks happy." How terrible! Somehow looking at people and judging them based on the way they look in some way validates me, makes me feel less threatened by their apparent success, or lets me feel like the universe has gotten them back for whatever wrongs they've done. Whatever the reason, it's a stupid ritual that I need to get over. I shouldn't measure my success by comparing myself to others--that's the whole point of this little project. I should be sympathetic, because no one deserves to be miserable.

So, today, I want to say that I'm thankful that I've grown in to a woman who is more or less comfortable with my body. I look at myself and see someone who is average-looking, fortunate enough to be pretty slim despite a sickeningly sedentary lifestyle, with pretty hair and eyes and a genuine if awkward smile, a little short, a little lacking in curves, but okay. I'm okay with myself. And that's enough. I'm so grateful for this.

But I also want to make a pledge. I will not count on my mortal enemies becoming fat and miserable. I will stop looking at their pictures unless I have genuine interest. I will stop obsessing over their lives and bodies and relationships and focus on my own. It's interesting enough, anyways.

I think this will be healthy, and I think it will make me smile more. That ridiculous, awkward, wrinkled-face smile that makes me look half-weird, but makes it clear that I'm genuinely happy. That's what facebook pictures should be all about!

Preparing to begin

Okay, so I know giving up facebook isn't the biggest deal in the world. There's tons of people who never use it anyways so obviously it isn't the end of the world. But the purpose of the upcoming 40-day project is bigger than just not logging in to one website. The idea is to change my perspective, to devote time usually wasted on facebook to better things, and to avoid comparisons with others in favor of taking pride in myslef, my live, my accomplishments, without competing with others. Further, it's to shift my focus away from all the things that others have and I don't--spouses, children, houses, dogs, degrees, benefits packages, etc--and to look at and focus on all the awesome stuff I have in my life.

So one thing I want to do is spend more time reading, which means I may post about what I'm reading. Currently, that's stuff for my grad school classes. I'm taking a class on Milton, so I'm re-reading Paradise Lost and the Bible. I'm also taking a class on the beginnings of hermeneutics and the professionalizing of the study of literature (or something like that--it's sort of hard to explain), so I'll be reading a bunch of highly theoretical, scientific, and economic texts from the Englightenment era to the twentieth century. So readers, you have that to look forward to.

More than that, though, I hope to write about the great things in my life. Mostly, that's people, like my awesome boyfriend, my family, and some of my closest friends. Also, my cat, the financial stability afforded by my job, the other material stuff in my life that makes it more convenient and comfortable like my car and my computer, and the stuff all around me like the mountains or the parks I live near. Also, I want to post some links to cool stuff that's made a difference for me at some point, like this awesome video about just what I'm talking about here--learning to love yourself for who you are and not rely on others for your sense of self-worth.

Today, I want to talk about my job, for a practice post for when this actually begins on Wednesday. I complain about my job a lot, and it can definitely be pretty stressful. I mean, it's a comission-based pay structure, so that alone causes anxiety every week. But I'm so lucky to have it. As anyone from my generation can probably guess, I have buckets of student loans I have to pay back now that I'm not a student any more. So many people struggle with them. My parents took a long, long time to pay theirs off, and that was when college was cheap by comparison. There are a lot of jobs--including my future career, teaching--that would make paying these loans super difficult. But fortunately, I have a job that pays well, so I'm able to handle them. That is such a blessing. I really should count myself lucky, because I've lived paycheck-to-paycheck before, even while working 2 jobs, and I don't have to do that now, and that is such a relief I can't even say.

But besides the money thing, my job comes with a lot of added bonuses, too. I get to talk to people all day long. And despite the fact that the ones that usually stick out in my mind are the super-rude jagoffs that get their joy in life by trying to make other people miserable, the vast majority of people really do mean well. Some of them are downright interesting and cool and fun! What's better is that I have a better working knowledge of western Pennsylvania than I ever thought I would. I sell papers from Rochester to Connellsville to Gibsonia to Sewickley to Uniontown to Cannonsburg to Washington to Kittanning to McKeesport to Butler, etc, etc. Not only do I get to see some interesting places and increase my navigational skillz, but I also get to meet a wide, wide variety of different types of people. It really demonstrates how people can be way, way different, and yet basically the same, all at the same time. Plus, I get to set my own hours. If I wanna work six long days a week for a while and make a ton of money, I can do that. If I wanna just work three or four days, I can do that, too. Week or 2 off? I can do that. Leave at 2 to go get my car inspected? I can do that. I have a lot of freedoms right now that I won't have once I start into my career, and I'm trying my best to fully take advantage of them.

So, yes, if you ask me in a week how work's going, I'm probably going to groan and be super pissed off. Because I'm in that stretch of six-day weeks, and I set a really high goal for myself, and I still have to find a way to deal with my coworkers, which can sometimes be easy-peasy and other times extremely terrible. But I know, deep down, under all the stress and frustration, that I could do a lot worse for myself, and that all the work I do will pay off shortly, and that the job I have now has been a huge learning experience for me, too. So, yeah, it's definitely something to be thankful about.

Just needed to write this after having a basically good day so I could tap into my gratefulness on the matter. Tomorrow's jury duty, so I'll try and post then, too. Might need some emphasis on gratitude after spending the day in court... O.o

Introduction

I'm starting this blog for this year's upcoming Lent. I've decided this year to give up social media for 40 days, because I believe it will impact my life for the better. But I think blogging about the experience will keep me accountable. I've seen a lot of these 365 grateful projects and I think this will be the beginning of one of my own.

I'm doing this to free myself from the things that social media does to a person--especially a young adult--that I don't really like. For instance, facebook forces gives people a means to document their milestones and achievements in life, right? getting into graduate school, getting married or engaged, having children, buying a house, or getting a new job or a promotion at their existing one, for example. This is a good thing, I suppose, for the people who would otherwise struggle to take sufficient pride in their accomplishments. But the adverse effect of all of this is a sense of competition. So many people--myself included--are bombarded by the accomplishments of peers on a daily basis, and can't help trying to measure their own accomplishments against those of others. It leaves me feeling--often--like I'm falling behind.

In reality, though, life isn't a competition. It's a journey we all take to the same ultimate destination, but what we do along the way is up to us. None of this is groundbreaking or anything--in fact, I think it's something most people would agree about. But somehow, when flipping through albums of beautiful wedding pictures, ultrasounds, new houses, or reading updates about jobs I wish were mine, I find it easy to forget that others are living their own lives and I'm living my own. And here's the thing--I have plenty to be proud of in my own life. They're just different things. And I don't actually want those things other people have. I want to get married some day, and have beautiful children, and teach them to read and love other people and say please and thank you. And I want to get started on my career, too--but at the pace my peers are going, I would never find time to run around New England, or go to graduate school, or live abroad for a few months. They're on their journeys--which look awesome and super fun and fulfilling--and I'm on mine. Getting away from the pressure of social media will hopefully help me to understand that.

So, without further adu, I should explain what this project will do, instead. You may or may not be familiar with the new, trendy 365 grateful projects of instagram, blogs, etc. If you're not, here's a general introduction. Mine will be a little different, I think. I want to post things each day from that day that made me happy, or intrigued me. I want to post pictures, anecdotes, maybe bits of news, excerpts from things I'm reading, etc.

And here's the thing. I'm so much happier now than I was this time two years ago. I was so mixed up. I was engaged, entrenched in work and paying bills and making money. I was rushing forward looking for all the things people told me had value and mattered. Then, my relationship ended, I moved home, then found an apartment, then started seeing other people, then started seeing one very special, amazing, wonderful person. The experience showed me how misguided my values had been. For the first time in a long while I was only working one job--no school on top of that. I had all this time to do other things. I enjoyed my hobbies, I spent time with my family, and I got to know this amazing other person. He was a big help, too, because he had a lot of this figured out already. Living in cities and being in college, most of my peers hadn't been happy. It's like cynicism and bitterness make you cool and happiness makes you a huge dork, as far as my peers had been concerned. But he was happy. He loved (still loves) to enjoy the scenery in life. He takes pride in the accomplishments in his own life, and encourages me to do the same. And he takes me to beautiful places and makes me contemplate their beauty. I want to learn to be like that. I'm so much happier, but I still find myself caught up in aloofness,  afraid to be openly happy, and struggling to prove to myself that I'm "as good" as my peers who have marriages, children, jobs, M. A.'s, etc. I'm hoping this project will help to break me of that.

Anyways, I hope I can inspire some people to do the same. there are about 50-zillion sources I've read that say one of the keys to being happy is being thankful. The fact that there are SO MANY guides out there about "how to be happy" makes me sad. We live in a prosperous country, even if the economy isn't up to par and the job market isn't ready to employ all of us millennials just yet. Most of us have food to eat and internet and television and books for entertainment--really amazing things, when you consider it. Yet so many of us are unhappy! So, again, I'm hoping I can be for others what Chris has been for me--an example of how to put other people's standards out of your mind, how to live fully, how to love yourself and others (that one might take some work for me) and the world around you, and how to be happy.

So this is just an introduction; I won't actually be starting on a daily basis until the beginning of Lent, which is (according to my calendar) March 5th. I hope it matters to someone and helps someone out, but even if it doesn't, I know it will be good for me. Kay, see y'all in March!