History

So I posted not that long ago about how thankful I am not to be 18 anymore. My point was that I have a lot of experience now that I didn't have back then. But I neglected to mention my thankfulness for everything I went through when I was 18. And 14. And 6. And 21. Really my long resume of crazy life experiences. 

There have been a lot of people in my life who have impacted me profoundly, and although I'm on less-than-friendly terms with many of them, I still have to say that I'm thankful for the role they played in my life. I mean, without our exes, for example, how would we learn how to have a healthy relationship? And without bad friends, how would we ever learn where to place our trust and when to be cautious?

I've been through a lot of tough crap in my life. Not enough to stand out as remarkable or anything; I think anyone thinking back on their own life could honestly say the same thing. I learned to live on my own at a much younger age than normal. I've moved away and back a couple of times and lost and regained friends. I've felt so very low and depressed, so full of self-loathing, that I didn't see the point in getting out of bed in the morning, other than out of sheer routine. But I've passed through all of that, and now I'm a much stronger person than I used to be. And if things had gone another way, I might freak out at the tremendous burdens of uncertainty that now stand before and all around me. But I've weathered enough storms to know that I'll make it through this one, too. In fact, this one's not even so bad, by comparison. Of course, a lot of those from my early life weren't nearly as bad as I thought they were at the time, either. That's another thing I'm thankful for; the perspective that life experience has given me. I have the ability to look at a problem I'm having and say, "wow, that's actually pretty trivial." I know a lot of people who lack that ability, and I'm happy for them, because that means, I suspect, that the problem they're making such a fuss over is really one of the most major problems in their life.

This post is a little unclear; it's because I have specific people and experiences in mind, but I don't feel it would be considerate of me to share names or specifics. Suffice it to say, there are some people out there now I wouldn't trust to help me move, let alone for advice or as confidants. But I am still grateful to have had them in my life, because they taught me a lot.